One of the greatest things about having a baby is that I'm learning to understand and appreciate my Heavenly Father so much more. Of course I've read the verses and done the Bible studies that talk about our Abba and how He knows what's best for us, is always working for our good, and disciplines us out of love. But I don't think you can fully understand it until you have a child of your own.
He's a little person made in my image, whom I loved and wanted before he was created. Even though he perpetually does things against my will and frustrates me and I know that he will continue to do so for the rest of his life, I still love him - so much. More than he'll ever really comprehend. If I had the ability to force him to be perfect, I wouldn't do it. There is so much joy in seeing him grow, learning to do things correctly on his own, and choosing to smile at me and reach for me and call for me when he needs something. It has also challenged the way I respond to the way God chooses to work in my life. When I look down at my little son throwing a temper tantrum, I see my sin reflected in his red, scrunched up little face.
The thought first stuck me during one of our painful daily tummy time sessions. Kaden absolutely loathes tummy time. He can be the happiest baby with a big grin on his face. But as soon as you flip him over on his belly, the coos change to screams of frustration. I know he's fine. He's just lashing out because he's not in control. All he can see in his limited field of vision is the floor in front of his face and all he can feel is the hard surface pressing on his stomach. It's not the warm, cuddling embrace he's used to. He wants something to change and so he begs me to reach down and rescue him. Literally. I know he doesn't know what he's saying, but he learned early on to say "mama!" when he's distressed. It's so heartbreaking to hear him crying my name but knowing I need to restrain myself for his own good.
He may not be able to see me, but I'm right beside him. Not only do I know that he is perfectly fine in his current situation, but I know that overcoming this challenge is crucial for his mental and physical growth. I have a hard time watching him suffer. But I love him too much to completely take away the proverbial thorn in his side. I won't spare him the tummy time because it's important. But I'll stay by his side and comfort him. I won't leave him there longer than is good for him (giving him more than he can take). But I will continue to push him till he becomes the best possible version of himself. He may not understand why I put him through this everyday and be angry at me while he's fighting through it. But I know where this will lead, if he will trust me. I look forward to celebrating each milestone as he rolls over, starts scooting, then crawling and finally walking and running!
It's not a completely perfect metaphor. But I understand God's fatherly love on a deeper level now and feel I can trust His guidance a bit more as I hurdle each obstacle life gives me. I may not always see or understand what it is He's doing, but I can trust that He loves me and is working for my good. I will grow and mature much faster if I stop fighting Him and, instead, follow His instruction. I may be comfortable where I'm at, but He promises that He's got something even better in store. So I've got to build up my endurance and my spiritual muscles to ensure I'm up to the task. =^)
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