Something I Miss...

It struck me tonight as I was listening to one of my new favorite movie soundtracks that there is something I really, really miss about my home in Colorado. It's not the privacy of my old room or driving "my" Jeep or even the freedom from doing the dishes every day (although I do miss those things on occasion.) No, what I miss the most was being able to sit down at the piano and play whenever the mood took me.

Music is really important in my immediate family. My parents are both professional musicians and my brother is rapidly following in their footsteps. While I also love and am very moved by music, I've never enjoyed performing in front of others so I didn't really pursue it like they did. I think I may have been able to read music before I could read English, and therefore I suppose I could have been a very accomplished pianist like my mom if I'd tried. But my taste in music was limited to songs from movies so I got bored with the traditional path of a musical education really fast (scales? Classical music? "Bach - humbug!") I was also really uncomfortable with piano recitals and so, sometime around the 6th grade, I stopped taking formal lessons so I wouldn't have to participate. (Not that my mom would have made me if I'd flat out refused to be put on the program...I suppose I figured this was an easier way out. Strange how stupid our choices seem in retrospect.)

Even though I stopped my formal lessons, I never quit playing. I got to the point where I could sight read almost anything and so I would pick out my own pieces and play them when I felt like it (usually when no one was around). For me, it was a personal form of expression. Whenever a particularly strong mood would take me, I'd sit down at the keyboard and let my emotions flow through my fingers. Music always expresses feelings more accurately than words. I'm not a very technically proficient pianist - I tend to ignore the rules of music theory and rhythm. But I do kind of pride myself on my expression. I may really mess up the way the composer wrote a piece, but it will still sound great because I make it my own and play it however I think it should be played. (As a side note - my writing is very similar. I'm an atrocious speller and never really took the time to memorize proper grammar {as I'm sure you have all noticed} but I'm often praised on my creative word choice and unique "voice".)

So, tonight as I'm sitting here listening to some of my favorite and most emotionally evocative melodies, I am gripped with that familiar desire to tickle the ivories. Only I can't, because we don't have a piano. Even if we had the money to afford one, we don't have the space. It's so frustrating because, if there was ever a time for me to really sit down to practice and work on becoming a better musician, it would be now. I have hours of free time and a completely empty apartment building to myself all day. It's unfortunate that I didn't realize till just now what a luxury it was having a perfectly maintained grand piano in my living room for 21 years.

I guess I'll just have to add that to my already-too-long list of expensive things that I would like to have, and keep my fingers occupied on my computer keyboard instead.

The Flakes...

I was reflecting on the long, drawn-out, sweaty affair that was my high school graduation today, and I realized something quite interesting. I don't know who it was that put together the program... They were clearly not someone who had to attend the ceremony, because no one in their right mind would do that to themselves. (Although, I suppose it is possible that they were not in the right mind. But I digress...) You see, in addition to the 500+ names that had to be read out, we had to sit through something like 13 speeches and three musical performances, all in the stifling hot Field House on the Air Force Academy base. It was miserable.

Of course, I have many happy memories from that day. But I wondered if I could remember anything from all of the terribly boring but (I'm sure) well-meant rambling. Of the two hours of talking, I remember two half-sentences. That's terrible. However, these two snipets of thought are very personally significant so I suppose I walked away from that day with what I needed.

First, I remember the principal mentioning that someone from our class had won an Emmy. I was both extremely proud of having done something noteworthy, and extremely irritated that he didn't think it was necessary to mention my name. Second, I remember that my good friend Molly was the class elected speaker and talked about snowflakes and how they are all small but unique. I remember that, at the end of her speech, she said:

"...So find yourself among the flakes."

I suppose it caught my memory because it was so witty. Yes, she was talking about snowflakes... But she was also commenting on how so many people in the world are adrift and purposeless and, therefore, flakes. That was just like Molly. She had a wonderfully sarcastic sense of humor (probably why we got along so well.) But, she deserved the highly coveted spot as our class speaker because the thought is very insightful for a high schooler. I remember feeling bad that her speech was kind of overshadowed by all the other boring talks. BUT, it felt great to write her a message earlier today and tell her that hers was the only one that stuck with me.

"Find yourself among the flakes." Find what it is that makes you unique and embrace it. I think I'm painfully and joyfully aware of what it is that sets me apart from those around me. However, I do not yet feel that I've fully put it to use. The "real" or "adult" world has barely scratched the surface of the mack truck that is Kimberly Zuercher Wentzel. I am a uniquely designed little snowflake who is still floating in space...hesitant to land and establish myself in any one place just yet. I guess I'm waiting to find the place where I'll make the biggest impact...the one small push that will start an avalanche.

Right now I don't see what that would be here in Del Rio. I have looked on my own and failed to find something meaningful to do while I'm here. So, I'm finally going to give up and do what I should have been doing all along: handing the reigns over to the One who is capable of making something of my uneventful life. So, be praying for me as I open myself up to whatever it is that God wants me to be doing right now. After all, He put us in Del Rio for a reason. I'm just still at a loss for what that is.

If you have any ideas or insights to offer, I'm all ears. I need all the help I can get!

Reading

I have always maintained that one of my biggest passions is for great stories. Even when I was a baby, I was captivated by movies and books. I now extend the category to include music and artwork because I believe they also tell stories. Even so...there are very few things that thrill me more than curling up and diving into a good book.

While I was in school, I used to look forward to holiday breaks because I would finally have the time to read something I wanted to read, rather than something that was assigned. I'd lock myself in my room for a few days and immerse myself in the world of my favorite storybook characters...seeing as they saw, feeling as they felt, and experiencing far more than I ever could on my own in my short lifetime. I often get so emotionally attached to the characters and their environments that it pains me to put the book down because it means I have to return to reality. It's an unfortunate dichotomy that we rush through good books because we can't put them down, but in the end we wish they would have lasted longer because it was so enjoyable.

The last six months have been like a very long holiday break for me. Because I am no longer in school, I have all the time and freedom in the world to read whatever I want to. Consequently, I've been going through books like kleenex. I've read 17 books since the wedding, and am currently waiting for the FedEx guy to get here so I can start another one this afternoon.

One of the fun and unexpected side effects of my voracious reading habits of late is that I have gotten James into reading as well. He was like many young men these days in that he was not particularly interested in reading - for fun or otherwise. However, he reads almost as much as I do these days. We've gone through several series together and enjoy discussing what's going on and postulating what will happen next.

Right now we're hopelessly hooked on the 'Twilight' series by Stephenie Meyer. I kept hearing about these books over the summer but wasn't sure if it was really for me. People like to equate the series to 'Harry Potter', in that it's a young adult fantasy series. However, the subject matter is quite different. Supposedly it was a 'Romeo and Juliet' type romance - with vampires and werewolves. If you're raising your eyebrows or otherwise scoffing, I completely understand. I'm not a big fan of vampire stories (or any kind of horror/monster movie kind of thing...) But I had heard nothing but good things about them...and the movie adaptation of the first book comes out in theaters in a couple of weeks so I figured it would be worth checking out...just to see what all the hubbub is about.

I purchased the first book when we were in San Antonio last weekend, and finally got around to picking it up on Thursday. Buying only the first book was a bad move on my part because - OF COURSE - we fell in love with the story and both flew through all 500 pages in less than 36 hours. (Understand that, in order to do that, we had to switch off...so I could have finished it in less than a day if I had the book to myself. It was SO hard to surrender my new treasure every few hours so he could catch up!!) James and I immediately went out to the local book store to get the next 3 books in the series. I cannot tell you how frustrating it is to have almost all of the English copies be sold out, but to see all 4 books available in the Libros en Espanol section. grr. Luckily we found a copy of the second book and could get rush delivery on the last two through Amazon.com (hence my waiting for the FedEx truck to arrive!!)

Now, you may be asking yourself, how in the world could we have fallen so quickly and irrationally in love with a vampire story? That's ridiculous. You may be right...but it happened regardless. You see, 'Twilight' is written in first person, from the perspective of a teenage girl who is very much like myself. And as she starts to fall for this handsome and mysterious young man at her new high school, you get swept up in her thoughts and feelings and find yourself as anxious for their relationship to progress as she is. The book is a brilliant character study, and therein lies its appeal. You quickly come to know and care about each person you encounter, and are gripped with page-turning suspense as they weave themselves into a tangled web of passion and danger.

Well...I just got a phone call that books 3 and 4 are waiting for me at the front office so I'm going to go!! If any of you are interested in hearing more...or have read them yourselves...let me know! Not nearly done gushing...haha.

A National Test of Faith

Well...the election is finally over. James and I were really irritated by the never ending stream of McCain-bashing from the liberal media, and were really looking forward to it coming to an end. It was to the point that I figured the relief that comes with being able to move on would far outweigh my feelings about who actually won. However, I don't think I was really prepared to hear the news that Obama will be our next Commander-in-Chief. I knew it was going to be close, and that it was fairly likely he would win...but I did not expect him to win by such a large margin. I think I was more upset by the fact that Colorado went blue than I was about McCain losing. What is the world coming to??

Obama claims to be the voice for change and I guess we must concede that things are indeed changing. People are fixating on the fact that we have finally elected a black president. I, however,  am more interested in the number of young people who came out to vote. All the major news networks kept speculating whether that number would increase for this election. But anyone who spends any amount of time on Facebook or MySpace would have known beyond a shadow of a doubt that that was true. Of the hundreds of people I'm in contact with online, there are only a couple of people who said they were NOT going to vote. The only thing I can think of that would have significantly changed the political landscape in Colorado in only four years is that all of the college students (especially from CU Boulder) choose to vote. It must have been similar all over the country.

I think the next few months will be a big test of faith for many of us. I'll admit I was one of the people who have been praying that God will put the right man for the job in office. But now that He's made His choice, I find I'm having a hard time trusting His judgement. (Typical problem for me.) However, I do respect what Obama had to say after the announcement was made. We may have been divided during the campaign season, but now that the votes are in, it's time for us to put aside our differences and work together to overcome the myriad of problems we're facing. Let's hope that Obama will act in good faith and keep his promises.

A Much Needed Break

This weekend James and I were finally able to get out of Del Rio for a couple days and it felt wonderful! We always feel so limited by the stores and restaurants here in town so it was nice to finally, properly, GO OUT. We spent Saturday afternoon shopping and spending the last of our wedding gift cards on lots of fun things for the apartment. Saturday night we went out to dinner at a swanky sports bar so we could watch the Texas Tech vs. U. Texas game with James' closest friends and their girlfriends. After all the excitement it felt amazing to retire in one of the luxury suites at Randolf AFB. And, finally, we had a leisurely brunch on Sunday morning with our friends at Panera Bread before making the long drive back.

It was really only a 24 hour mini-vacation but it was so needed. Just being able to change it up and do something exciting has really improved my mood and I know it did the same for James. Of course, my favorite part of the weekend was finally being able to cut my hair after struggling for a few weeks to find a quality salon in Del Rio. Now I feel fresh and rejuvenated and am very much looking forward to our up-coming big vacation to Louisville for my family reunion over Thanksgiving!