Something I Miss...

It struck me tonight as I was listening to one of my new favorite movie soundtracks that there is something I really, really miss about my home in Colorado. It's not the privacy of my old room or driving "my" Jeep or even the freedom from doing the dishes every day (although I do miss those things on occasion.) No, what I miss the most was being able to sit down at the piano and play whenever the mood took me.

Music is really important in my immediate family. My parents are both professional musicians and my brother is rapidly following in their footsteps. While I also love and am very moved by music, I've never enjoyed performing in front of others so I didn't really pursue it like they did. I think I may have been able to read music before I could read English, and therefore I suppose I could have been a very accomplished pianist like my mom if I'd tried. But my taste in music was limited to songs from movies so I got bored with the traditional path of a musical education really fast (scales? Classical music? "Bach - humbug!") I was also really uncomfortable with piano recitals and so, sometime around the 6th grade, I stopped taking formal lessons so I wouldn't have to participate. (Not that my mom would have made me if I'd flat out refused to be put on the program...I suppose I figured this was an easier way out. Strange how stupid our choices seem in retrospect.)

Even though I stopped my formal lessons, I never quit playing. I got to the point where I could sight read almost anything and so I would pick out my own pieces and play them when I felt like it (usually when no one was around). For me, it was a personal form of expression. Whenever a particularly strong mood would take me, I'd sit down at the keyboard and let my emotions flow through my fingers. Music always expresses feelings more accurately than words. I'm not a very technically proficient pianist - I tend to ignore the rules of music theory and rhythm. But I do kind of pride myself on my expression. I may really mess up the way the composer wrote a piece, but it will still sound great because I make it my own and play it however I think it should be played. (As a side note - my writing is very similar. I'm an atrocious speller and never really took the time to memorize proper grammar {as I'm sure you have all noticed} but I'm often praised on my creative word choice and unique "voice".)

So, tonight as I'm sitting here listening to some of my favorite and most emotionally evocative melodies, I am gripped with that familiar desire to tickle the ivories. Only I can't, because we don't have a piano. Even if we had the money to afford one, we don't have the space. It's so frustrating because, if there was ever a time for me to really sit down to practice and work on becoming a better musician, it would be now. I have hours of free time and a completely empty apartment building to myself all day. It's unfortunate that I didn't realize till just now what a luxury it was having a perfectly maintained grand piano in my living room for 21 years.

I guess I'll just have to add that to my already-too-long list of expensive things that I would like to have, and keep my fingers occupied on my computer keyboard instead.