My Trip to SIU

After long weeks of preparation, I finally made my trip out to SIU last week. It seems like I've been planning and preparing for this for months, and all of the sudden it was time to pack my bags and go!

The trip out there was pretty rough because I caught a nasty cold right before leaving that made me feel really weak and ill and generally uncomfortable while traveling. But I was so blessed to have a couple friends who picked me up and took good care of me on the drive from St. Louis to Carbondale. My friend Leann was especially generous. She not only drove me around all week, but fed me and housed me and helped me do everything that needed to be done in preparation for the retreat. She is very much responsible for my enjoyment and comfort over the 6 day trip.

On Thursday and Friday I got to walk around on campus, visit friends

and take care of some important business at the records office. It was great to be back in the Communications Building, seeing old teachers and classmates and telling them about my wedding and all I've been up to since graduating. I also really enjoyed having lunch in the Student Center and taking a walk around campus lake. These were all things I loved doing while I was at school, and at some points while walking around, I felt like I'd never left.

Thursday night I gave the first of my two talks to Intervarsity. I was really nervous because I have never really given a long talk like this before, and I was still trying to get over that cold which meant my voice was not 100%. At one point, it sounded like the video clip from "The Bucket List" that I was relying on to illustrate the central theme of the talk wasn't going to play. Thankfully, everything went smoothly and everyone seemed to enjoy what I had to say. Afterward, I decided we needed to celebrate so my friends took me out to Steak 'n Shake (my favorite Carbondale restaurant).

The retreat started on Friday night and ran through Sunday afternoon. I was so excited to have the chance to participate - not only because I got to speak, but because I felt like I, too, was on a spiritual retreat and was challenged to grow like all the other students were. Each of the speakers had a different topic that they introduced as a way for students to thrive in college, and none of them were light subjects. Whether it was talking about lordship, using the spiritual disciplines to grow in your faith, authentic Christian community, or evangelism on campus, we really pushed these kids to "move beyond surface living into the depths" (Richard Foster, Celebration of Discipline).

My talk went really, really well (much better than I expected). The other leaders especially appreciated the fact that I tried to concentrate on our IV chapter and what the students can and should be doing on campus, rather than just delivering a nebulous talk about general Christian principles. I'm hoping to get a recording of the talk somehow... But if that doesn't work I can email the written-out version of the talk to you. (It's about 8 pages single spaced so hopefully you can listen to it instead of having to read that craziness.)

Saturday afternoon we had a 3 hour retreat of silence where we spread out throughout the camp grounds and spent some quality time with God.

This was honestly what I was most looking forward to because I always feel like I get a lot out of the reading and praying I usually do during a retreat of silence. However, I realized that I have all the time in the world in Del Rio to sit and read, and decided instead to go outside and walk around the lake on the grounds. I took my camera with me and spent an hour or so wandering around and worshiping God in nature. There were so many grand things - like the expansive blue lake, or the gigantic trees. And in between all of these big things were tiny things that are equally beautiful, like these little purple flowers. God's creation really is exquisite! Only when my legs got unavoidably sore did I return to the lodge to read and reflect on all I had learned.

After the retreat of silence we had a long period of free time. I was very tempted to go sleep for a couple of hours because living the college lifestyle again was really wearing me out, but I decided my time would be better spent making relationships with people. So I got involved in a crazy game of Scattergories with some of the freshman. Later that night we got our fill of church camp madness as we held our own version of "Fear Factor" and watched in disgust as six brave volunteers ate some truly revolting "foods". Finally, after Saturday night's discussion, we all headed out to the woods and ate smores around a bonfire.

I was really sad when the retreat was over on Sunday because it meant it was time for me to leave all my friends behind and begin my trek back to

Del Rio. I did make sure to run around and take a lot of pictures with all of my friends, and I was even commissioned to take the traditional large group photo right before we left. There are still so many people out there that I care about a lot, and I am hoping that I will get invited back again. Patrick (the head of our chapter) made sure to pull me aside before I left and told me that he really thinks I have a gift for teaching and hopes I'll continue to seek out opportunities to use it. O=^)

Because my plane was leaving early on Monday morning, I decided it would be a good idea to make the two and a half hour drive up to St. Louis

on Sunday afternoon, and allow myself a little bit more sleep in the morning. My friend Will Strang (from film school) has a condo in on the Mississippi and offered to let me stay the night with his family, and then drive me to the airport the next morning. The only catch was that I had to find a ride up there. So a bunch of my buddies and I road-tripped it up there and spent the evening eating and laughing together. Those guys were some of the closest friends I had in college (to the point that we refer to ourselves as a "film family") and so it was wonderful getting to spend some quality time with them again.

By the time my plane took off, I was ready to go home. Even though I was only gone for 6 days, I missed my husband terribly and was looking forward to getting back to my normal routine. He was wonderful and surprised me when I got off the plane with a big bouquet of roses and a bag of my favorite Dove chocolates. (I'm so lucky!!)

The question now is - what's next? No answer as of right now...but stay tuned.

Pilot for a Day

Yesterday, I had the opportunity to go out to the base and take pictures for a charity event they were doing called "Pilot for a Day". Normally this is something the base contracted photographers would have been called in to do, but because it was a graduation day they were already booked. Luckily, James heard the man in charge talking about the predicament and said that I could do it. Thus, I was hired for my first professional shoot!

"Pilot for a Day" gives a little boy or girl the chance to come into the squadron and spend a day learning what it's like to be a pilot. My understanding is that a lot of times these kids have some kind of special need which makes the day a very exciting and emotional time for the whole family. Our little pilot was a five year old girl named Alexia who was born with paralyzed vocal chords and recently underwent surgery to help correct the problem. Obviously she couldn't say much throughout the day and was very shy, but we could tell that she was enjoying herself.

It was a full day but I think everyone involved had a great time. 

The family was welcomed by the Squadron Commander early yesterday morning over a complimentary breakfast in the Heritage Room (aka - the bar). It was so cute because they had laid out a tiny flight suit for Alexia which had all of the T-38 patches on it as well as her own custom name tag. Then we took a tour of the squad and introduced her to a lot of pilots who, she was told, were working for her today. Even the guys were "ooing" and "awwing" over this itty bitty fighter pilot!

After that we took a van ride over to the fire station where we met Sparky 

the Dog and got to see how the firemen and their trucks work. Alexia and her little sister got to try on a fireman jacket and helmet, sit in the truck, and squirt water out of the mechanized nozzle on the front.

Next we went over to RAPCON and saw how air traffic control keeps track of all of the planes in the area, and then climbed up to the Control Tower to get a full view of the jets taking off and landing. This part of the tour was particularly exciting for me and the other pilots accompanying us because even we had never been up in that area before. Quite a day for everyone involved!

Finally, we went back to the squadron and had all of the pilots assemble for some photos in front of the planes. This was the most nerve wracking part for me because suddenly they were expecting me to direct all these guys to where they should be standing, and get the required shots for the photo collage we were going to present to the family at the end of the day. I was frustrated because I wasn't exactly sure what they wanted, and no one could hear me yelling over the noise of the planes. Not sure I made a great impression at that moment, but we got the shots and everyone seemed to be thrilled with the prints.

It was during this time that I took my favorite picture. Each pilot has what is called a "Hero Shot" taken by a plane before they graduate from training. I had the opportunity to take Alexia's Hero Shot that day and it turned out really, really well. We sat her up on the wing and had her give us a big thumbs up. The wind was blowing and she was finally smiling and it was magic on film.

Around that time the family headed off for lunch and then the flight simulator, which were things I didn't necessarily need to be there for, so another pilot and I rushed to HEB to get the pictures printed for her collage. I had a hard time deciding on which ones to use, but eventually we got the prints, picked up the frame from the frame shop, and miraculously managed to put everything together in time for the farewell ceremony. Her family seemed so appreciative of all the work I did and asked for a CD of all of the pictures so they can print more. Even the other pilots were impressed so hopefully I'll get some more work out of this deal!

More than anything, it was wonderful being able to be a part of making this brave little girl feel special for a day. She and her sisters were so well behaved and really seemed to enjoy themselves and I hope that more families will have the opportunity to be blessed like this in the future.

What's for dinner?

One of the many things I love about my husband is his eagerness to serve. Every day around 4:30 or 5, we ask the same question: "What's for dinner?" Usually I have some sort of idea and, an hour or so later we share a wonderful meal. But occasionally, on days like today when I'm feeling rather lazy, I'll say that I don't know and don't really have the energy to come up with something. Instead of complaining or heading out to pick up some fast food, my man hopped up and went to the kitchen and creatively put together one of the best meals I've had in a while. True, it was rather amusing watching him use almost every pot we own to make one meal...and hearing him discover some basic cooking no-no's along the way... But seeing his joy and pride as he served me that steaming plate of pasta, chicken, rice, homemade garlic bread and spiced green beans felt so wonderful, and it tasted even better!. AND - as an added cherry on top of the sundae of AWESOME that is my husband - he even offered to do the dishes. I am truly blessed. =^) 

Thrive

Today I've been working a lot on the talk I'll be giving at the Intervarsity Fall Retreat in a couple weeks. The theme of the weekend is learning to thrive in college - going beyond the norm and spiritually growing and...well...thriving. I've been doing all kinds of research while preparing for this talk...reading various scriptures and books and online articles. Most of them were very helpful. However, I was browsing through some random quotes today about the value of a college education and came across one that struck me as very pointless and stupid.

"If you have a college degree you can be absolutely sure of one thing...you have a college degree." ~ Author Unknown

Shocking that someone didn't want to sign their name to that one.

But, the more I thought about it, I was forced to admit that the quote is actually pretty insightful. All a college degree really is is a fancy piece of paper stating that you have studied a subject for several hours. Even with a diploma in hand, you're probably not qualified or prepared to get the job you really want, and it certainly doesn't mean you learned anything or grew as a person while at that institution.

I think it's kind of sad, in retrospect, how much emphasis high school counselors, teachers and parents put on getting into "the right school" and choosing a major. Yes, it's important to get an education and to think seriously about what you want to do with your life. But if I've learned anything from my years at SIU, it's that college is about so much more than just going to class.

I think this is especially true for young Christians. I can't tell you how many times I heard people in my high school youth group talk about how they were "still trying to figure out where God wanted them to go for college." It's like they think they have to go to one specific college and study one thing in order to go on and fulfill God's purpose for their life. I'll admit I was definitely of that persuasion when I was that age. I was convinced that God was calling me to go to film school and then move out to Hollywood and make thought-provoking Blockbusters that would help inspire people on a global scale (and, maybe while I was out there, I'd meet some handsome actor or rock star who'd sweep me off my feet and {after I'd won an Oscar} we could live happily ever after). Well, I got my degree just like I planned. But now that I've graduated, things are much, MUCH different than I envisioned. I'm married to an Air Force fighter pilot, living in a tiny town on the Mexican border, and I'm currently unemployed.

In God's eyes, does that mean I failed?

Hardly. One of the most profound lessons I've learned recently is that we are human BEINGS, not human DOINGS, and what God cares about more than anything is how genuinely we pursue our relationship with Him and with those He puts in our path. Judging by how far I've come from the time I graduated high school to now, I'd say that my college experience was a huge success. I didn't just survive college and earn a degree - I allowed God to show me how to spiritually and relationally thrive.

Passions and Portraits

I've decided that the thing you are passionate about in life is the thing that makes you so excited you can't sleep at night. I have many passions and, therefore, many near-sleepless nights. My current, all-consuming passion is photography.

It's no secret that I have been dreaming of running my own portrait and wedding photography business. While I have thought a lot about it, it did not seem like that was going to be a reality for quite some time because I did not have the necessary equipment, and it was going to take James and I a long time to save up for it all.

I have been incredibly blessed because that is no longer a problem. James' grandfather discovered my passion for photography while we were out in California and decided to give me his "old" (not very old at all) large format digital camera, zoom lens, high-powered flash and a carrying case as an early birthday/Christmas gift. Apparently he also loves photography and has been collecting all kinds of cameras and other equipment for years. However, he found this digital camera too bulky for daily use and said he'd be thrilled if I could get some use out of it. I immediately insisted on going out and driving around Santa Barbara so I could try it out. Needless to say, I love it and have a hard time being productive knowing that I have a beautiful new camera that I could be playing with.

Now that I have the most important tool I need to start taking pictures professionally, I figured I should really start pursuing this. So, I've spent the last week putting together a more professional looking online photo portfolio and creating a business email account. I've also really started doing some promotion among friends and neighbors, hoping to get a little experience and - hopefully - prompt some people to do some word-of-mouth marketing for me. Already I've got a couple of people who have agreed to let me take their pictures when I go out to SIU in a couple of weeks and I'm so excited!!

I can't sleep at night because I start thinking about different poses and settings I could use to really create some unique and beautiful portraits. Or I'll get a new idea for how to stir up some business and I can't rest till I've written it down. At this point I feel like I've got all this pent-up creativity and need to find someone who will allow me to release it. The goal is to really practice and get some experience while building up a powerful portfolio here in Del Rio. Then when we move to Phoenix in April, I'll significantly raise my prices and start working in earnest. I've started looking into possibly working for/assisting a local photographer...but amazingly there are only 2 local photographers or portrait studios listed in the phonebook so we'll see how that goes.

Till then, I guess I'll have to be content with taking pictures of my surroundings or - one of my favorite photo subjects - myself. =^P

ps. Here's my online portfolio if you're curious. I'll keep updating it whenever I take some new publish-worthly pics.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/kzwentzel/

The Bucket List

Now that we're back in Del Rio, I have been spending a lot more time working on the two talks that I will be giving when I return to SIU in October. Because I'm now an alumni of Invervarsity Christian Fellowship, they offered to fly me out there to speak at their fall retreat, and I am so excited for this opportunity to inspire a new generation as I was inspired when I was a student!!

One of the talks that I will be giving is about creating a contagious witnessing community at SIUC. As I've reflected on what this means, I am repeatedly reminded of a powerful scene from one of my  new favorite movies - The Bucket List. Starring Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson, the movie tells the story of two terminal cancer patients who agree to live it up before they kick the bucket. Far more than just an enjoyable film, The Bucket List is a moving example of how deeply we can impact the lives of others simply by loving others as Christ loved us.

Half way through the movie, these men have a pivotal conversation while visiting the pyramids in Egypt. Freeman's character - who is something of a "know it all" - explains that the Egyptians had an interesting belief about death. They claimed that when you get to the gates of heaven, the gods ask you two questions, and how you answer determines whether or not you get in. First question: Have you found joy in your life? Second: Have you brought joy to others? The filmmakers believe that, as you get older, your life becomes all about these two questions. What have you accomplished, and - more importantly - what have you done to help others?

That is why I am drawn to this quote as I plan out this talk. It emphasizes that, although our culture pushes you to focus only on your own fulfillment and success, what ultimately matters is much bigger than that. We were put on this earth to further God's purpose, and to help others experience the profound freedom and joy that comes with accepting His grace.

At the end of the film, you get to see how deeply these two men were impacted by this unlikely friendship. At one point, Nicholson says of Freeman: "He saved my life, and he knew it before I did. I'm deeply proud that this man found it worth his while to know me. In the end, I think it's safe to say that we brought some joy to one another's lives."

They were complete strangers who had nothing in common except the fact that they were both about to die. But because they chose to open up and share their lives - both the good and the bad - with one another, they were able to change each other for the good. Ultimately, the film is not about the adventures they had or how much they were able to do before the end, but about their relationship and how God was able to work through their conversations to bring these two lost souls home.

I've had my own bucket list for a while now, but I think I need to reevaluate it. While I still think it would be awesome to visit New Zealand or make a feature film, I can't think of anything more rewarding than to know that I was able to affect even one person's life like that.

California!

All week James and I have been on vacation in Southern California, visiting family and taking advantage of all of the opportunities that simply do not exist in Del Rio. We still have a few days left in Santa Barbara, but while I have a little time to myself I figured I would tell you all about our adventures.

Last Friday we planned to take off for San Antonio after James was finished with work. Our flight the next morning was to take off at 8:15 a.m. so we needed to make the three hour drive to the city ahead of time. We were both very excited because, not only were we leaving Del Rio for a whole week, but we had reservations at our favorite hotel that night. Unfortunately, our spirits were quickly dampened by the torrents of rain that were falling outside. Del Rio rarely gets rain, so the flash floods and tornado warnings really complicated the traveling process. On top of that, I was feeling very sick and barely had the energy to pack and clean the apartment in time to leave. Luckily, my stomach calmed down enough that we were able to enjoy the road trip and over night stay in SA.

The next morning, we rose before the sun and drove to the airport. We made it easily through security and were beginning to think that our travel luck had changed, just as I got sick again. Technically everything went smoothly and our flights were on time, but I was absolutely miserable. I don't know what I would have done without James who was able to keep a cool head and took care of me.

By the time we reached Santa Barbara, I was exhausted but in stable condition, so we were able to enjoy our reunion with his parents, and a long but fun visit with his grandparents. I really had to take it easy in regard to eating all weekend but thankfully started feeling good enough to make the long drive down the San Diego to see James' brother Sam, his wife Alison, and brand new baby girl - Madison!

The drive down there was a lot of fun for me because we drove around and saw the sights in Los Angeles on the way. We cruised through Beverly Hills and took a brief tour of the USC campus. It is crazy to finally see things in person that I have been seeing on TV for years. I of course had the camera out and kept snapping shots of landmarks and other iconic LA imagery.

As much as I loved looking at the tall buildings and massive movie adds, it was all forgotten as soon as I set eyes on my tiny niece. She was so adorable that it was pretty much impossible not to constantly stare at her. James got a kick out of the effect she had on me. I couldn't help but smile and giggle every time she did anything cute (which was pretty much all the time). At first I was terrified to hold her incase I hurt her, but I did finally get up the courage on Sunday night once she fell asleep. She is such a beautiful baby with a big personality. As Bob (my father-in-law) pointed out, she knows what she wants and she knows how to get it. She loves to sleep, hates to sit still, and wiggles so much that her parents have nicknamed her "Little Squirms". We have a lot in common already so it will be fun to see how she turns out.

Baby aside, our trip down to San Diego was great because we got to spend some quality time with Sam and Alison, whom we don't see very often. James and I stayed up late on Monday night talking to Sam about anything and everything. It was one of those deep, life-affirming conversations that you never want to end. However, it was important for us to get some sleep since we had planned to get up early the next morning and drive in to the heart of the city to see my good friend Erin Bray and her fiance Josh. Again, we had a stimulating conversation, and I was quite satisfied by the time we headed north. We drove along the coast taking a scenic trip through Malibu, and discovered where many of the celebrities live.

Since returning to Santa Barbara, we've visited the zoo, eaten some great food, and James has taken me for many a trip down his memory lane. We only have a couple more days so we are hoping to really take advantage of every opportunity before we go back to the drudgery of Del Rio.

California has so much to offer - both in scenery and entertainment - that it's hard not to have fun. But, more than any of that, I have enjoyed seeing how much James loves this city. As he shares all of his memories and takes me to all of his favorite spots, I get to see what it was that made him who he is today. It really is a completely different culture than what I am used to, but I have enjoyed living it up with him. Now I get to look forward to returning the favor in November when we go visit my entire family over Thanksgiving!